Having an orgasm should never feel like rocket science. Yet for many women, it seems that way. In fact, about 10% of women easily achieve an orgasm. The remaining 90% struggle with factors that impede their ability to climax. In previous blog posts, we have explored how and where to achieve orgasms. Today, we’ll look at one of the most common concerns, “Why can’t I orgasm?” But first…
Does it mean I have a problem?
Orgasmic dysfunction or as it is scientifically referred to Anorgasmia is a condition that occurs when someone has difficulty reaching orgasm. This can be situational meaning you may be able to orgasm during certain circumstances—for example, when masturbating alone but not when your partner is present, or not during sexual intercourse. Orgasmic dysfunction occurs even when you’re sexually aroused and there’s sufficient sexual stimulation.
Orgasms are intense feelings of release during sexual stimulation. They can vary in intensity, duration, and frequency. They occur with little sexual stimulation, but for many a lot more stimulation is necessary. While difficulty reaching orgasms is present for both men and women it affects mostly women.
What are the reasons can’t orgasm?
If you're one of the many women struggling to reach climax, here are a few reasons that may be affecting your ability to orgasm and what you can do to solve them.
You’re not getting enough/any foreplay
Not getting enough (or any) foreplay means that you are not turned on for sex. And not being turned on for sex makes the whole idea of an orgasm close to impossible. Communicate with your partner how you like foreplay. if you are not sure how to speak up read this!
You have no clue what works for you
Sometimes the reason why you do not climax is that you simply don’t know what works. The female genitalia has lots of different parts. It helps to try to masturbate while stimulating your clitoris and inside your vagina at the same time or separately to figure out what you like, and then share that with your partner. Here is a quick guide on how to do it!
You’re not 100% comfortable with your partner
If you find that you orgasm solo but not with a partner (situational anorgasmia), you are not alone. This is a common issue and usually stems from either being too uncomfortable about letting go all the way in the presence of a partner, or from having issues asking for the precise kind of stimulation you need. To solve this, try openly communicating what you like or don’t like. Take it more as guidance after all it helps you both.
You need some more lubrication
Did you know that about 40% of women do not produce enough lubrication during sex? Even if you usually get wet, sometimes factors like hormones, emotions and condoms can leave you a little dry. This is where lubricant comes in to have you feeling a lot more comfortable and orgasm-ready.
You’re too stressed
It’s easy to find yourself drifting off and thinking of other things during sex. It could be if your partner is faithful, you are at risk of STDs, or are you in your fertile window to more life issues like what happened during your day an argument you had and so on. Letting go and being in the moment is important for orgasms. During sex try to focus and shelve all those thoughts for just a few minutes and see if it works.
It could be your medication
Medications used to treat depression, anxiety, and other conditions can diminish sex hormones in the body, and often lead to having lousy orgasms or no orgasms at all. You could talk to your doctor and see if there’s an alternative medication with fewer sexual side effects.
There’s a physical reason/cause
Age can also play a role; women 49 years and older are more likely than younger women to experience orgasmic dysfunction. The older we get, the production of our sex hormones tends to slow down, making arousal and orgasm potentially more challenging. Another reason is a loss of tone in the pelvic floor muscles. Being physically and sexually active is the most potent way to maximize our ongoing sexual potential by bringing increased blood flow to our genitals and strengthening the pelvic floor.
You’ve experienced sexual trauma or shame
Traumatic experiences related to our sexuality can shut down our ability to relax into sensations and feel comfortable with and entitled to sexual pleasure. If you have been shamed about sex or have traumas big or small, talk to a sex therapist.
You’re placing too much pressure on yourself to have orgasms
If you’re nervous or tired or feeling uncomfortable about how much time has passed with you still not having had an orgasm, you're creating a vicious cycle of no orgasms. Instead, try not to think about orgasming and just enjoy the sensations instead. You'll come when you least expect it.
The takeaway
Most times what gets in the way of you and your orgasm is something situational. In this case, communication could be a great place to start. However, if you are experiencing prolonged orgasmic dysfunction see your doctor.
Stay informed, stay in control Has this helped you?