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  • Writer's pictureGrace Health

Surviving a Sexless Marriage

Updated: Sep 12, 2022

Newlyweds or those who have been married for a short time may ponder whether or not a sexless marriage is even a reality. It's hard to imagine how two sexually active individuals might live together without having sex. In every culture, sexless marriage is a reality that is sometimes never acknowledged openly yet it is still a reality that is lived by a number of couples.

Truth be told, no one chooses to be in a sexless marriage. It’s often something that happens gradually, as the newness of the marriage wears off and the passion goes with it.

If you are currently living through a sexless marriage, this article is for you!

Do you remember when you first met your lover? Did you feel a strong passion for them? You probably couldn't keep your hands off one another; you were inseparable. Right? Over time, it somehow fizzled and you've learned to live with no sex. The love is still there, but you've lost the intimacy that keeps it alive.

Today, we want to help you bring back that fire of excitement to the bedroom. But before that, let's briefly look at the possible causes that lead to a sexless marriage.

  1. Drastic changes in your lives such as long working hours, financial stress or the birth of a new baby can lead to marital tensions that can affect intimacy in a marriage.

  2. Issues with one's emotional or physical health. A reduction in sex drive may be caused by depression or stress, as well as the use of some medications whether prescribed or not.

  3. Adultery is another reason why couples suffer through a sexless marriage. The victim in the marriage at times finds out and can’t bring themselves to reconcile with their partner even after the affair is over.

  4. For some people, their sex drive goes down as they get older. Menopause may also be a factor as the estrogen levels decrease, thus leading to a loss of interest in sex.

If you and your partner are willing to work on your marriage and revive your sex lives; here are a few things you can try to bring back the fire into your bedroom.

  • Open lines of communication. Speak out and inquire about your partner’s thoughts and feelings about the issue. When you and your partner can communicate on a logical and intimate level, you will establish a deeper physical connection. Find a method to constructively address the problem and devise a strategy to go ahead together.

  • Create and observe routines together. Enjoying fun routines together might help you bond. Even before sex comes into the picture, work on the friendship. Pick a new hobby you can both enjoy; watch a TV show together, or play games. This builds intimacy and, in turn, opens doors of expression.

  • Welcome foreplay in the bedroom. Begin with nonsexual touch. Experts encourage sensory focus, which emphasises touching in an intimate but nonsexual manner. Try removing your clothing and gently massage each other with your fingers. Initially, avoid touching your genitals. The idea is to get comfortable with being naked and touching each other. Increase sexual contact as you both feel comfortable. Don't worry if it takes more than one session.

  • Be honest about your pleasures. Your marriage should be a safe place and you should be able to express your sexual urges without fear of criticism. Tell your companion about your dreams, desires, and new experiences. Be open about your hot spots and how you would like to be touched. Ask them to express their turn-ons too and go on and try out new stuff.

  • Finally, seek medical advice if you have any physical health limitations which can range from severe pain to the use of drugs that reduce sex urges. A doctor can help you understand how to work around your limitations and make the most out of your current situation.

In summary, sex is a crucial aspect of a happy and fulfilled marriage that builds intimacy and a deeper level of connection between two consenting adults. So, make an effort not to put too much pressure on one another. Maintain a realistic outlook on the situation. Avoid unrealistic expectations such as having sex every night or even every week, and refrain from expecting the experience to be mind-blowing all the time and especially in the beginning. Take things slow, and always remember to be patient with yourself and your partner.

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