The end of a relationship can be tough. It could leave you feeling hopeless, used, lonely, lowered self-esteem and sometimes even depressed. Many experts have equated having a broken heart to a form of grief. The only difference is your X is still alive and there’s a chance you might still run into them.
If only there was some kind of manual on how to pick yourself up after a breakup. Sadly, there’s none but the good news is that millions of people around the world experience and recover from breakups. This article will explore a few tips you could apply in such a situation.
Feel The Feelings
Allow yourself to go through whatever you are feeling without judgement. Chances are you may experience many conflicting emotions; ignoring or suppressing them will only make the grieving process harder and longer. And yes, cry if you need to, scream even, write your thoughts or do whatever you have to do to express your feelings. As long as you don’t bring harm to yourself or those around you.
Don’t Look For Closure
Placing pressure on yourself that you will only be sure it’s over if certain things happen is one way of delaying the healing process. The bitter truth is sometimes you may never get that solid reason, apology or conversation you hope for. Don’t let your future be dependent on that.
Surround Yourself With A Good Support System
Naturally, you are bound to seek comfort from other loved ones in times like these. Try not to let anxiety or embarrassment stop you from reaching out and getting help. After all, almost everyone has been through a breakup and if they haven’t, well, it could happen. Sometimes, depending on the nature of the breakup, it might not be so unexpected for your loved ones and they are likely to spring into action and offer a shoulder to lean on.
Therapy doesn’t mean you are mentally ill. Having an unbiased, neutral, third-party observer is instrumental in gaining a deeper understanding of what happened, what your role was, and how you can learn and grow from it as you pursue future relationships. If you have access to one, take it, not just to get over the breakup but also for your mental health. Therapy would be extra beneficial for anyone who is struggling to get by their everyday life: working/school, eating, grooming, interacting with others and so on.
Be Patient With Yourself
If only we could switch off our emotions like an on-and-off button, then I guess there would be no need to learn how to get through breakups. We would all simply move on with our lives. But since there’s not, we need to be patient with ourselves. There’s no specific time range to heal. Some days you may feel better than others, and it’s okay to honour wherever you are on your journey. How fast you heal could depend on factors like the meaning of the relationship held or the length of the relationship. The fact is you will heal eventually.
Distance Yourself From The Relationship
To be able to heal you need to begin the process of separating yourself from the person. This can be easier said than done. A good place to start is by limiting communication to only what’s necessary. For some, this could be the process of getting all their stuff back. Deleting the phone number or blocking them on social media depends on the situation at hand. There’s no hard rule that says you must. The most important thing is to be mindful of how leaving the option of contacting you could get in the way of your healing process.
Part of distancing yourself also involves putting away everything that would remind you of them and anything that could bring up old memories. These create a false hope that there’s a chance of getting back together, hindering your ability to move on.
Reconnect With The Things That Make You Happy
After you have gone through a breakup, it is one of the best times to literally date yourself. And no, we don’t say this for the sake of it. It can be a great time to rediscover yourself. Feel free to spend time doing what you love. Whether it’s cooking, working out, taking yourself on a date, dressing up or just enjoying time with yourself. Treat yourself like you are the best partner in the world! Because hey, “You are your own best partner!”
Don’t Keep Tabs On Your EX
You do not need to know what’s going on in their lives. If you constantly catch yourself lurking on their social media or with mutual friends just to see what they are doing, you may need to unfollow them or block them for your healing sake. No amount of checking will help you move on.
Don’t Engage in Revenge Posting
Speaking of social media you are probably familiar with those specific types of content you put up to show that you are doing okay or better. It could be a photo with a friend(s) or you looking pretty, and sometimes it is those unwarranted quotes that you know deep down are only meant for one person to see. In fact, some people may also obsess about whether the Ex viewed it or not. If it gets there, then reconsider your social media use during this time.
Don’t Hook Up With Your Ex
Forget what you have heard about goodbye sex! Sex will not act as the magic fix in this situation. If anything, physically connecting with them again only slows down your process of healing. The best thing is just to avoid it entirely.
Take a Break From Dating If You Need To
Singlehood might feel different and scary especially if you have not been there in a while but that doesn’t mean you should jump back into a relationship as soon as the first guy takes interest in you.
If you’ve not fully healed, this could be a bad idea and only cause more stress in your next relationship. Instead, focus on yourself for some time and when you are ready for a new relationship you can get back out there.
Breakups are not easy but don’t be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself to get through the emotions and begin the journey of healing. Remove all distractors that may get in the way of the healing process and surround yourself with people who can walk with you. Remember a time will come when it will be something of the past. If you need professional help don’t shy away from seeking it.
Stay informed, stay in control How do you get over a breakup? Share in the comments