Dealing with family pressure during the holidays

It’s that time of the year when families gather… the Easter holidays. While for some this is a restful time to look forward to, some others don't quite like it. Take, for example, one of the Grace app users, Ruth and her partner who are meeting the extended family for the second time in a very long while. She is anxious that once again she will be asked about her journey towards conception or worse, she will be faced with negative comments about her journey towards getting pregnant. This makes her feel pressured and anxious, and she doesn't quite know how to deal with it. If you can relate to what Ruth goes through, then this article is for you! We will explore how to deal with family pressure while TTC during the holidays.

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What you should know

Some common negative comments that may be passed towards you are: “Maybe it’s not meant to be” “What’s wrong with you?” or “Whose fault is it?” or “Why don’t you just adopt”. Negative comments do not have power over us unless we allow them. So, first things first, remember that these comments do not define you! Negative comments do not help your mental well-being, especially during your conception journey. Instead, they prove to be unsupportive efforts to TTC. Most of these comments especially “ Maybe it is not meant to be” relies on the assumption that you can never conceive and better still you should not continue with the journey because you may be wasting your time. So how can we better deal with such comments?

How to deal with such comments

Unless declared medically incapable of TTC and all the other alternatives, you reserve the right to try as many times as possible. Unfortunately, society puts the issue of a couple on the TTC journey solely in the hands of the woman. There is a beauty that lies in the ownership of your body and how you take charge of the decision to TTC. Here is a step by step guide on how to deal with negative comments:

1. Voice out politely yet strongly on how you feel about the comment and that you appreciate it if such comments are not made.

2. Speak about how such comments make you feel.

3. Try to close the chapter on the topic immediately in order not to have you sulk about the issue and rather move on to other activities that uplift you. Remember, your mental well-being is paramount.

4. Emphasize how personal the journey is and that whoever is the cause for the delay be it your partner or yourself, it is personal and as such you appreciate it if it remains that way. This shows how mature you are and that you appreciate their concern but would benefit more if they could be supportive and optimistic about the journey.

Guard your mental health

There is an unfortunate assumption that if there is a delay, then it is most certainly from the woman. That is where negative comments such as “ whose fault are it or what is wrong with you” come from. Understand that it is your journey as a couple and no one needs to know where the delay is coming from if any. Pay no attention to such comments. Additionally, some comments might compare you to others. It is important to know and understand that each journey is unique and various factors come to play in the TTC journey. Make a note to yourself and speak positively to yourself emphasizing that the journey is yours and it is unique just like you are. You can practice self-affirmations to maintain your inner peace. Typical examples of self-affirmations are:

1. I deserve what I want.

2. I am a light-bringer.

3. I will put my energy into things that matter to me.

4. Taking small steps every day can help me achieve big goals.

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Take the opportunity of this Easter gathering to channel as much positive energy into your mental wellbeing. Do not give room for negative comments to take roots in your mind. Enjoy the holidays!

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